I think it’s interesting when I suggest to a psychotherapy patient that they should consider coming in twice a week for treatment instead of just once, if even for a short time, the answer most inevitably is, “You think I’m really that messed up?” From my perspective, the reason I offer the invitation is because I feel the person could benefit from more support or more contact for that period of time. It is NOT because I feel the person is flawed or weak. We are so prone to looking at others’ gestures of support as negative commentary on our value as people. I wish it were not so.
This overly close connection between what others say to us and how we feel we are valued as people prevents us from:
- testing new things out
- being silly
- acting ourselves
- speaking truthfully
- telling people we cannot do what has been asked of us
- feeling open to taking risks
- connecting with others on a closer level
I wish it were not so.
Let’s all try this out: Let's make it a habit to see others’ offering us help as coming straight from the heart and not from a place of criticism. I figure even if the other person is trying to make us feel miserable intentionally (#nastypeople), we will then be able to handle it from a position of strength and wholeness, rather than from a position of fragility and insecurity.
Make it so.
