Dreaming of being perfect.  One of my favorite pastimes.  I still do this despite the fact that I know better.  I know better because I know perfectionism hurts, and I know I am really prone to acting imperfectly.  That said, I thought it would be helpful to share some of my thoughts about perfectionism with you.

Envisioning that we could be perfect or could do things perfectly gives us a feeling of “arriving,” kind of like getting one of the coveted Golden Tickets from the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory.  The children in the tale Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl who succeed at getting the desired Golden Tickets begin to pursue something tantalizing, but unclear and undefined to them.  When we try to be perfect, we act like the kids with the Golden Tickets, and all sorts of crazy breaks loose.  (Remember the chaos in the movie Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?)  In believing we can arrive at perfection ourselves, we enact several different dreams for our future:

• the dream of being untouchable by criticism, judgment, or shame
• the dream of less work and strain because we've already proven ourselves
• the dream of being different than everyone else
• the dream of having something permanent about our identity
• the dream of proving that our actions can ensure our happiness

But of course, just as in the Willy Wonka story, life (and fiction) just isn't that easy.  No one ticket or behavior or anything could make everything perfect.  Perfectionism actually makes life more difficult because when perfection is our end goal, that goal shapes every facet of what we do.  It limits our creativity and ability to generate new ideas.  It makes us think the ideas we do come up with stink.  Perfectionism leaves a constant ache, pressure, and nagging feeling in us and also does some more damage:

• it forces us to go underground with our work because we feel we are not performing to a high enough standard
• it makes us associate work with feeling badly and unwell
• it kills our courage to try new things because we sense the greater risk of failing to be perfect
• it constantly reminds us we will never be prepared enough or fully
• it makes us feel fraudulent when we receive praise
• it leaves us isolated in our own pursuit of glory rather than allowing us to benefit from communities of learning and growth

As you can see, I think perfectionism is pretty destructive.  I encourage you to look at your own tendency to want to be perfect.  What do you associate with being perfect?  What are your perfectionism dreams?  How does wanting to be perfect influence how you act, think, and feel?  Have you ever wanted to own a gigantic candy factory?

My next post will include some suggestions for moving away from perfectionism and developing more adaptive ways of thinking about doing well.  Stay tuned!  And please feel free to leave your thoughts about perfectionism in the “Leave a Reply” section.