I'm really pleased to introduce this guest post by my new friend and kindred spirit, Susaye Rattigan. I discovered her ultra-informative post on LifeHack — 25 Incredibly Useful Websites Every Entrepreneur Should Bookmark — and then found another post by her on TinyBuddha — 3 Keys to Jumpstarting Your Life If You've Been Living on Hold — which also was easy for me to connect to. I decided to contact her to see if we would be sympatico and well, here you see the proof that we are. Susaye exudes confidence and instills it in others — she's a dynamo. Enjoy reading her wise reflections on making important changes in our lives.
Sometimes our best efforts at changing our lives are just not enough. We long for lasting change — not the happy kind that manifests but doesn’t stay. We beat up on ourselves and further break our own spirits when we decide to change but feel like a failure when we don’t.
And sometimes it is true that we haven't tried as hard as we could, but other times we were fully committed and really intended to be different. As we think about changing again, our past failures can dampen our spirits and make changing a brutal experience. As the new season of change rolls around, it is important to understand some of the things that can sabotage change so we can adjust our sails in preparation for the next try.
8 Things that Get in the Way of Lasting Change
1. We hold unreasonable expectations. We enter the path to change as we would a changing room, expecting that we should easily shed the habits that we have nurtured over the years. We forget that cultivating anything takes time. While it is important to hold a vision of our desired change in our minds, embracing the fact that it is a journey and not just a destination is one way to help manage our expectations.
2. We start without putting a simple, actionable plan in place. Imagine changing your life as a trip to an exotic location. Normally, you wouldn't just show up at the airport and board any plane hoping to get there; itineraries would have been planned, tickets would have been purchased, accommodations would have been arranged.
When we announce to ourselves our desire to change with no plan or a complex plan we inadvertently set ourselves up for failure.
We can make it easier for ourselves to say “yes” to our changes and “no” to our habits by starting with a tiny shift in our old habits, then another once we've mastered the first. The Japanese have a term for this — Kaizen, continuous, never-ending improvement. Embrace it.
3. We go it alone. Two is always better than one when it comes to support. Often we fall down on our journey because we have decided to travel by ourselves or to keep our commitment a secret. Making this choice allows us to renege and affirms our fear of failing. Know that any step towards lasting change is a success and sharing it does not make your effort any less valuable.
4. We don't plan for failure. No one wants to struggle with change, but everyone does. Ignoring the fact that sometimes we might fail can make you feel like a complete failure when it happens. Our best recourse is to expect stumbling and to brush ourselves off on our way up. Conceptualizing change as continuous will help to counter this. Failure happens. Success happens. Keep going in the face of either.
5. We start out too hard or fast and burn out. Have you heard the saying “slow and steady wins the race?” I've found this true in my life; I've gotten so excited about changing and rushed headfirst into it without doing the necessary emotional, psychological and physical preparations to ensure success. After racing out of the gate, I would end up tired and taking a break. This break would extend indefinitely because I was out of steam and motivation. A more effective strategy is building momentum, one step at a time.
6. We are not consistent. We start and then stop or we stop for a few days and hope to restart. We sabotage our own efforts when we are inconsistent. Not only does being inconsistent mess with our motivation but it makes the habit more difficult to get rid of. Consistency helps little habits grow into big change.
7. We compare ourselves to others. We think our change should look exactly like someone else's and when we don't have the same results we quit. Know that everyone's path is different, as is each person's plan. While we can hold another’s progress as motivation, we cannot replicate their path. Learn from them and be your own competition.
8. We expect change to be easy and hang our self-esteem on our results. Most people are reluctant to try to change because not changing fast enough is held as a measure of our worth as humans. Know that acknowledging our need for change and beginning are as important as changing. The process of changing counts; it is often rich with lessons that far outweigh the goal. Things often look easier than they are and change is not the exception. Lasting change takes time, effort and willpower and is cemented with each choice we make to continue despite the odds.
So if you’ve decided to change, go for it! Taking the first step means you’re already winning!
Susaye Rattigan is a Mother, Clinical Psychologist and Life Balance Coach for women who want to create a balanced life that they love. You can find her at [www.shesinspired.net] feeding her obsession with motivating and empowering women to create, live and love their lives, while maintaining their sanity. She lives in Jamaica, West Indies with her partner and daughter. She can also be found on Facebook [www.facebook.com/Susaye.Rattigan1] and Twitter [www.twitter.com/msratti].
