So often we let our minds wander. We enjoy prancing through the fields of fantasy. Unfortunately for some Procrastinators, these meanderings through the fields are akin to what we call our “biggest nightmare.”
We can think the worst very easily and creatively. We can turn any situation into a crisis. We can fill all of our free time with thoughts of how others will reject us. How we have done wrong. How we will be called out and found out. How our own perspective just doesn’t cut it.
The problem with this type of thinking process is that it is:
- all-consuming (and therefore a super time waster)
- not based in logic or rationality
- extremely anxiety-provoking
- blocking of positive thoughts and perspectives and therefore self-reinforcing
- emotionally paralyzing
The problem becomes magnified when we divert our attention from the real things that are happening in our lives to watch out for what we fear the most. So each interaction is played out ahead of time. Each negative outcome is predicted. Interactions become strained. Our minds fail due to the overwhelming weight of the thoughts that swirl in our heads.
The answer to this seemingly perpetual problem? [Tweet “Remember that reality is exciting enough.”]
Even without our worst fears and imagined awkwardnesses drama will happen. We will make mistakes. We will feel hurt. We will feel embarrassed. We will feel at loose ends. None of us (that’s right none of us) can control these things completely. We may try mightily and really imaginatively, but we cannot control these things.
We cannot control:
- how other people behave
- how other people feel
- how other people feel about us
- what other people decide is best for themselves
- whether our relationships may end
What we can do is handle what comes our way. Conversations. Negotiations. Arguments. Introductions. You can do all of these things. If you feel you cannot, you can find a coach, therapist, or teacher to help you learn these skills. Even if you are not the strongest conversationalist, it does not matter. What does matter is you are just as important as the person you are worried about. When you give yourself room to experience and to believe that, your thinking will change dramatically because you will be more engaged with reality and you will quickly realize reality is exciting enough.
What worried thoughts can you get rid of? What interaction might you have with someone in real time instead of worrying?
