We don't really ever have as much control as we'd like or as much as we think we need. We spend a lot of time and energy trying to forget that. We try to permify the present by compiling mementos, snapping pictures, filing things, writing in journals, and perfecting our record-keeping. The stress of not having all this under control and not being in control is consuming. It encourages a type of obsessive-compulsive behavior by which we establish rituals to ensure we can avoid unwanted results. Problem is there are no results. Like the patient who suffers from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, we find ourselves trapped in a more and more rigid and fruitless routine.
We want options. The more the better. And because of this, any action that's definitive becomes strangled by the fear of having no options in the future. In reality, the world is abundant with options — so much so that it is overwhelming. But also so much so that there is little value in worrying and becoming rigid in our ways.
Procrastinators tend towards rigidity of thought and behavior. Here's a sample of my own rigid process: “I could never do it that way. I have to do it this way. Even though it's ready and my gut says it's okay, I'm going to make sure by asking Regina.” This results in:
- delay
- heightened stress
- fears of disappointing myself and others
- developing even more rigid ways
In my view, the best way out of this control trap is to understand that all things will pass. Remember that many things that are strong are not rigid. When we have arthritis, the bone is rigid and this slows and obstructs our movement.
Rather than control, opt for simplicity.
- Aim for fewer choices, not more.
- Aim for satisfactory, not perfect.
- Aim for a sense of calm, not of superiority or competitiveness (except when you are playing Words With Friends against Regina).
I hope you can take this message with you through this holiday season. There are many sources of stress during this time, but there are many, many more reasons to appreciate this moment, like the complexity of snowflakes, warm cider, juicy breaks from work, and thoughts of loved ones.
Is there one routine you can drop this holiday season? What benefits may come your way as a result?
